It feels weird writing a blog on a website that's technically not out yet. However, I figured if I'm going to get in the habit of blogging then there's no better time to start than now. I've already shown this blog to a few close friends so if you're seeing this after poking around a bit, hi!
It's Sunday evening and as is tradition I'm killing time online instead of getting to bed at a reasonable hour for once, especially with a new work week ahead. I talked about it a few weeks ago on stream but I've reached a point where I actually look forward to Mondays. Maybe this is something I'll look back on and laugh at the pretentiousness but I genuinely am excited for the things I'm doing and savor the chance to start a new week of work. There's fulfillment in the content that I'm creating online and that's something I haven't gotten anywhere else.
I don't know if I'll be a daily blogger. My goal is at least one blog a week, probably on Sundays. There's something nice about reflecting on the week at the very end. The final period on a week long chapter. Looking back on this chapter I think the biggest take away was the chance to pretend like I was a full time streamer for a few days.
I didn't work Wednesday-Friday due to weather so I took the opportunity to stream during the day. I started most days by 10 A.M. and would finish up around 8 or 9. The turnout was great and it enabled me to reach new viewers as well as host people in different time slots, like the !quote MiniKitty raid. Even more so I actually had time to myself in the evenings. Which, is something that's really hard to talk about. I never want to make it sound like I don't enjoy what I do but there are sacrifices, especially in relationships with family and friends, that are made when it comes to streaming and sometimes I worry that I've put stress on those. Having the chance to repair and put more time into those relationships felt nice. I have a long road ahead of me if this content creating is something I'm going to do full time, so pauses and self care is a much needed detour. (Pauses and Self Care is my favorite Florence and the Machine album. Boom.)
Full time streaming is the goal, which is something I still struggle saying out loud. I've had people ask me on stream before if I want this to be more than just a hobby and every time I always find myself stumbling at the question. Half out of uncertainty, and half out of an internal indignant voice yelling, "can't you tell?" I know that this is a pipe dream and I still have a long way to go but there's no doubt in my mind that I want to be a full time streamer and content creator. Getting the taste of that lifestyle this week only steeled my resolve. It's easy to write off what I, as well as my peers, do but there's a lot of hard work and dedication that goes into making videos online. I talk about the Professor Broman podcast a lot but indulge me one more reference.
One of the biggest things he said in the earlier episodes was that when it comes to streaming no one sees the hard work that goes on behind the scenes. Everyone sees streaming and is like, 'yea I love playing video games too!' However, the actual gaming is just the reward for all the prep that goes into it. The stream doesn't end when you hit stop broadcast. Neither should your work effort.
So yeah, I still struggle saying that I want to be a full time streamer, but I'm learning to be more vocal about it. Small steps towards making that goal a reality. Go back and read the very first sentence of this blog and recognize that it's an open admission of unsureness. I didn't start the stream off as a beacon of confidence. It took small steps along the way to finally find my voice as a streamer. I'll get to full time in due time. So what better way to start off this blog than as an affirmation of that?
Streamer, writer, creator. One day I woke up painfully aware of my existence and I've been apologizing for it ever since.