Remember when I said I was going to try and keep this blog updated every Sunday? Good times. I wanted to sit down and write a recap, no matter how brief, on how things have been since coming back to streaming. I think I was getting paralyzed by not knowing what to write every time I sat down but I'm going to approach it from the perspective of what I'd like to reread at the end of the year. Journaling 101 I suppose.
Take it from me, if you're ever going to take an extended amount of time away from streaming then there's no better way to come back to it than with a Multi-Monday with Careless Rex. The time away was nice but there was a creeping dread the closer I got to the end of the week that I was going to 'forget' how to do everything. If you're ever at the start of the stream I'll sometimes joke with the early lurkers that, "I quit. I forgot how to stream. Bye." Truth in jest, ya know? Fortunately for me, I had Rex to lean on as I eased back into the swing of things. We always hop into a discord call an hour before we go live and from the moment we connected we were picking back up right where we left off. Shook off the nerves and jumped right into the game and I knew that I was going to be okay. I think this is a perfect example on why networking's magic lies more in the art of making friends than with the 'what can you do for me,' mentality. Having someone (Rex) who understands not only the space (streaming) but what it's like to take an extended amount of time off was an invaluable resource and I can't thank him enough. (Thank you if you're reading Rex. If not, this friendship is over. Kidding or am I? Who knows, you're not reading.)
The other game I've been playing a lot lately is an indie game known as Celeste! If you haven't seen it yet I highly recommend you look it up because I guarantee that you're going to see this game pop up on 'Best Of' lists a lot by the end of the year. It's a beautiful 2D platformer that finds itself in the realm of Super Meat Boy difficulty. It balances the line between satisfying and difficult so that you're constantly caught in that tried and true trap of a carrot on a stick called you can do this. Maybe that's just me, but being bad at games is kinda my specialty. That being said though, it's worth your time, even if you aren't a fan of difficult games. I personally haven't used it yet (even though maybe I should), but there is an assist mode that helps you bridge some of the more difficult parts of the game. There's a backdrop of anxiety and insecurities with the game's narrative (What great timing by the way) and even though I'm only about halfway through, I think it's building towards a really nice story. Plus the humor is cute and the characters are, well, they're entertaining (Theo). It's not often that I split time during the stream schedule to service two games but I'm going to be juggling my time between Monster Hunter World and Celeste for sure. Also mainly because I need a reprieve from my strawberry obsession.
Remember when I said this was going to be brief? I guess I got carried away. It's easy to be paralyzed by doubt, as evident by the duration between these posts, but sometimes just sitting down and slowly chipping at it will make great headway. Doubt was the biggest culprit in me needing to take some time away and I keep hammering this point home because I'm hoping people can use this as an example whenever they're feeling down. Self-deprecation is the armor that I use from my own thoughts because my own thoughts used to hold too much power over me. By getting the, "I'm bad at this," out in the open I can hear how silly it sounds and then it becomes a joke. However, when that fails I hadn't taught myself how to handle it, and I started to believe what I was saying. Our doubt, fears, and insecurities, will always scream louder than reason, but they're hardly ever true. If you can find a way to silence them whether by speaking with friends or taking time to yourself you can silence them. You are more than your doubt.
Streamer, writer, creator. One day I woke up painfully aware of my existence and I've been apologizing for it ever since.